No matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to find a place where I completely fit in. I lived most of my life associating with conservatives and found their viewpoint and lifestyle far too restricting for me. More recently I have made friendships with people who are very liberal in their beliefs, and some of their ideas and practices have left me feeling uncomfortable. So where do I stand?
I often long for a simpler, easier life. I get up every morning about 5:30 am and rush to work, driving about 14 miles to reach my destination. From the minute I punch the time clock, my day is a blur of non stop action. I am constantly interrupted and side-tracked, facing one problem after another. My job as a manager is very stressful, and at the end of the day I am completely drained and exhausted. I have often stated that at the end of my shift I feel like I have run a marathon. I put all of my time and energy into filling the pockets of someone higher up on the corporate ladder. We live a very meager and frugal existence, and barely make ends meet from paycheck to paycheck. I'm not ungrateful, nor am I the kind of person who fails to give thanks. And yet I want more for my life.
Sometimes I imagine what it would have been like to have been born in a different time and place. I grow so weary of the rat race and being constantly stressed out, phones ringing, customers complaining, deadlines looming. All of my needs are met, but when it comes down to it, am I really happy?
Sometimes I can picture myself living in ancient times. I am especially drawn to the Celtic peoples and their customs and beliefs. Would I have fit in with a society like theirs? After all, I do have some Irish blood on my Father's side. I am part Cherokee from my Mother's side and sometimes imagine myself living as a Native American in the past.
Both of these peoples had a great love and relationship with Nature. They were deeply spiritual and valued their community and their ancestors. They weren't locked away from Nature behind four walls. Their entire way of life revolved around the cycles and seasons of the year. Even their understanding of the Divine was tied into the natural world. They were a close knit community of family and friends. They lived and worked side by side. They told stories around the campfire, and celebrated their feasts and rituals. They lived in harmony with Nature and Her creatures.
Obviously I enjoy the comforts of modern life with electricity, running water, a computer and TV to watch an occasional movie. But I long for a simpler way of life. I would like to feel good about myself at the end of the day, instead of feeling like an indentured servant. What I wouldn't give to have my own plot of land somewhere away from it all. I would enjoy working in a garden, milking a cow, and gathering eggs. It would be nice to have time to sit around a fireplace and enjoy a good book on a cold, winter's night, instead of worrying about the reports already waiting on my desk for the next morning. I would enjoy the sounds of Nature as opposed to noisy automobiles and neighbors playing their country music too loud. I wouldn't be interrupted every five minutes to answer a phone, or stressed out from a hectic, fast paced job. I would enjoy working with my hands and seeing what I was able to accomplish for myself and for my family. I would be free.
People are leaving the modern, stressful lifestyle by the droves. My wife Patti and I often talk about this as a dream that we would like to see come to life someday. If we could only get out of debt and save some money. But this lifestyle prevents that. Rent, groceries and bills suck the money dry until there is nothing left.
And yet I have hope. I believe that someday our dream will come true. Maybe when the boys are all grown and out on their own. Maybe then we will be able to save some money.
In the meantime, I guess I don't have a choice but to punch the time clock and work in an environment that keeps my blood pressure up. But one of these days, I'm going to say goodbye to it all. That's my dream. At least I have that.
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