Ex Nihilo

Ex Nihilo - it's Latin for "Out of Nothing". The early Christians used this term to describe their belief that God created everything in existence out of nothing. He spoke creation into existence,

It was seven years ago on this very night that I followed through with a decision that would forever change the course of my life, indeed my worldview and even matters of faith.

I was living in Eastern Kentucky at the time and my family had attended a Baptist church there for several years. At the time I was teaching high school students in Sunday School and was an active member of the youth group team of leaders. I really loved the kids and the sentiment was returned.

Being a Christian in the South, we were all expected to look and dress a certain way. Anything outside of that norm was met with judgement and suspicion. I had a heart for the young people of the community and believed that God does not judge us by our appearance, but by our heart.

I came up with an idea to hold a concert on a Saturday night. We would have modern Christian Rock Music instead of the old hymns. We would present ourselves as a Goth/Punk style band and perform songs and skits, doing our best to make the unchurched young people of the community feel that they were welcome. After all, if Christians could dress this way and listen to this kind of music, then maybe the unchurched would be encouraged to trust in God.

We printed up flyers and delivered them all over town. I invited everybody, not just other Christians. I invited Gays & Lesbians, Wiccans, and Agnostics. After weeks of practice, the night of the concert finally came. We were all really excited by the turnout and the kids did an awesome job. I had never been so proud of them.

But there was a problem. It seemed that not everybody agreed with my theology that God doesn't judge us by what we wear, but by what's on the inside. Nearly immediately after the concert, a smear campaign was started by a small handful of people, including one of the Deacons of the church. Lies were spread that I was a Satanist and was teaching the children witchcraft. Rumors and gossip were spreading all over town about me and my family.

I was devastated. I couldn't believe that something like this could actually be happening in the churh in modern America. But things continued to get worse. I am an amateur actor and have my own website. Pictures were taken from my site of me dressed as my vampire character Legault and also a female character that I created for comedy and practical jokes named Darla, among other characters I had portrayed.

I was compared to Jim Jones by one of the deacons and I was accused of starting a cult. Rumors even came back to me that I was said to be involved in the porn industry. Threats were made to my family, and I realized that it was no longer safe to continue to attend the church.

I left broken, my faith shattered, and feeling betrayed by the religion that I had been raised in. How could they continue to sing "Oh how I love Jesus" when my family was sitting home on the outside of their congregation, suffering in silence?


As time passed, we moved back to California and started over. I severed my ties with the church and slowly began to make some sense out of my life.

It has taken a long time to heal, and there will always be scars. Nothing in my life has caused me so much suffering as my own personal Dark Night of the Soul.

I am a better person now. I have changed a lot, including my views on faith and religion. I am no longer as narrow minded as I once was, believing that those of my own faith were the only ones who held the truth. I have found healing in Nature and that is where I choose to meet the Divine. I no longer see God as an angry and judgemental creator who is ready to punish us for our sins. I prefer to see God as a Great Mother who loves and accepts all of Her children.

I must admit that I learned a lesson from the concert and from the persecution that followed afterwards. It was foolish of me to attempt something like this in a very conservative and traditional religious setting. My heart was in the right place, but I didn't use my head in this instance.

I still have faith, only it's different now. I am very quiet and private about my beliefs. I would never allow something like this to happen to my family again. At the time I followed Christ's example and turned the other cheek. But if anyone ever again attacked me or my family because of matters of faith, you had better believe that I would fight back!
But for now, I am perfectly content to stay away from organized religion. I answer to no man when it comes to matters of faith and belief. Nobody tells me what to wear when I worship or what music is acceptable. I am not a sheep, but a wolf, free and proud. After all, I was created with the freedom to make these decisions for myself, and I will continue to do as my heart leads me.