Rebirth

I always anticipate the arrival of Spring. After being forced to stay indoors during our rainy winters here on the North Coast, I am anxious to venture outdoors and enjoy the fresh air and sunshine. With the coming of Spring comes the promise of a fresh start. I am inspired by the signs of new life evident in Nature, and feel hopeful along with a desire for rebirth and renewal.

Looking back over my life I am reminded of many times that I experienced a personal rebirth. We can all agree that there were monumental events in our lives that led us down the path of change. I have discovered, however, that change is not always easy nor does it always come without pain.



My father was a Southern Baptist Minister and I was taught the tenets of the Christian faith at a very early age. I still remember the day that I accepted Christ as my savior. I was seven years old and my parents had been reading verses from the Bible to me and showed me where the Bible teaches about God's love and how, as Christians believe, that we need to confess our sins and repent to be saved. I remember praying the sinner's prayer at the foot of my parent's bed with tears in my eyes. I also remember repeating the prayer later on that night as I lay in bed. I wanted to make sure that it stuck. While I can look back now and see that some of my decision was prompted by fear of going to Hell, I also must confess that along with it was a genuine need to be known and loved by the Creator. It wasn't until some time later that I summoned up the courage to be baptized, and my father assured me that nobody had ever drowned during a baptism.




I had spent the first thirteen years of my life growing up in Northern California, and was excited about the prospect of change when my father was offered a position pastoring a church in White Plains, Ky in 1979. I soon regretted the move and missed the friends I had left behind in California. It took a couple of years, but eventually I made new friends and came to enjoy my new life in Kentucky. By my senior year in high school, I had several close friends and had made many happy memories that I will cherish for the rest of my life.



I moved back to California in 1986 and married Patti, my childhood sweetheart and first love. No longer was I under the care of my parents, but experienced the freedom and pride that comes from beginning my own life, my beautiful wife by my side. Those were simple and happy years. We didn't have much, but we were happy. We shared hopes and dreams together that were not tainted by the harsh realities that life would eventually bring.




Change would soon come knocking on my door when we had our first son, Ryan, who was born in 1989. When he was only two months old, we made the hasty decision to move back to Kentucky with my parents who had come out to California for a visit to see their first grandson. Eastern Kentucky was very different from Western Kentucky, and worlds apart from the life that we had in California. I experienced what I can only describe as culture shock. Despite a desperate try on my part, I found it very difficult to make friends for the first several years. I was depressed and very lonely and deeply regretted ever leaving California. Our two younger sons, Matthew and Alex, were born while we were living in Pike County. These years were spent bonding with the boys and spending time with my family. Eventually I began to make friends, and am happy to say that to this day I still keep in touch with many of the friends that I made in Eastern Kentucky. In 2004, the call center where I was employed closed the doors and we took the opportunity to move back to California, somethting we had dreamed of doing for years. Once again, I found myself saying goodbye to friends, and most difficult of all, to my parents and brother and sister.




The move back to California was good for our family. I felt such a relief to be back and I completely enjoyed myself exploring the redwood forests and beaches. I entered yet another stage of my life as I reached 40 and middle age. By this time I had severed my ties with organized religion and began to follow my own Nature based path. In doing so, I felt a spiritual freedom that I had never experienced while I was attending church.

One of the most painful events in my life took place when I found out that my mother had cancer back in 2009. I was fortunate enough to be able to be with her during the last week of her life and sat by her side, holding her hand when she took her last breath. The bonds of our family were strengthened through this event and it was good to get to see my brother and sister and their families again, despite the circumstances.

Life continues to bring changes as my two oldest boys are grown and recently moved out on their own. Things are nice and quiet at home with just myself, Patti and Alex. We live a simple, peaceful life and have recently committed to eating organic food as much as possible, for the sake of our health and also for the simple fact that it just tastes better. We also are very diligent about recycling and making less of an impact on the natural world and its resources.

It would be sad indeed if I had stayed in any of the previous stages in my life. I'm glad that the little seven year old boy eventually grew up and became more confident and secure. It was only natural that the teenager would move on and begin a life with his young bride. Although I will always treasure the first years of our marriage, I am happy that we had children and that I experienced the joys and rewards of parenthood. Where would I be today if I had not learned important lessons from all of the foolish mistakes and wrong decisions that I made as a young adult?

I learned something valuable from each of these stages in my life. I am the man I am today as a result of the experiences, the friendships, the joys and trials that I have lived through. Each experience has brought me closer to being a better, more compassionate and understanding person. Change is not always easy. In fact, more often than not it is quite painful. But it makes us stronger, teaches us patience, and prevents life from becoming dull and monotonous.